her adamance softens almost as soon as she detects the weight
       of his hesitance ; faintly ambered irises warring between curiosity
       and something approaching compassion as she searches his
       countenance, the bite of her ever-present fury ebbing — not gone,
       never gone, but set aside. unneeded, here.

       he has lost as much as she has ; she can see it, now, written into
       the aversion of his gaze, the furrow of his brow, the hush of his
       one-worded utterance.

                  “ you’re but one man, loxley. you can’t be in all
                         places at all times — you can’t be all things to all people. ”

       a pause, considering ; perhaps she owes him
       some modicum of honesty of her own.

                    “ a bastard girl doesn’t have many options. she can, more or less,
                           be an outlaw, or a whore.  i … was the latter, first, and the former
                           only a few years later. thirteen, when it started. one of the men who
                           came by often, he killed a girl who’d carried his babe, and fed the
                           child to his hunting dogs. to be rid of the embarrassment, he said.
                           we were like sisters, she and i — i should have protected her, and i
                           failed. a year later, i was almost killed — not because i was with child,
                           but because i wasn’t. said he loved me, wanted to marry me ; that
                           we’d have seven children, four boys and three girls, and when i
                           refused him, he held me down and cut out my womb. said if i
                           wouldn’t have his children, i wouldn’t have anyone’s, and that he
                           should have known better to place his hopes in a bastard get besides.
                           death happens. it’s ugly, and wrong, and unkind, but it’s no cause to
                           carry the weight of the world on one’s own shoulders. trust me. i’ve
                           tried. ”

              ( He meets her gaze then, a silent look that almost,
                        a l m o s t  displayed every inch of his soul to her. Though,
                        clearly withholding those few darker corners which he 
                        never dared venture himself. He may not carry the weight
                        of the world on his shoulders, but he carries the ability to
                        determine the fate of England. That he has been doing for
                        many years now. )
          ( He has always been a leader. He’s always had people to 
            follow him into battle. He has always made decisions that
            have lead to the deaths of many people, from the innocent
            CHILD to the most honourable and just of men. And even 
            then, more deaths as repercussions of his actions. )
                                  ( He often tells himself that sacrifices must be made in 
                                     order to achieve any form of success, but it is no 
                                     comfort late at night when he is woken by nightmares.
                                     By visions and dreams of blood, and death, and fire,
                                     and the broken bodies lying between blunted weapons. )

                      ( The worst is the fact that people would willingly
                         give up their lives for him —- and that only 
                         makes him hate himself  m o r e. )
                                  ( And he had given up everything to try and make it better. )

                                                     ( It didn’t. )

              ( Perhaps the reveal of her own story was supposed 
                to make him empathize ; to know he’s not in this
                dark place alone, to make him relax and feel less
                sick to the stomach of himself. But that did not 
                happen. )

                      ❛If I don’t try myself then what’s the point ?❜
                ❛I cannot give up just because my legs are giving way.❜
                                        ❛I’ll crawl if I must.❜
                        ❛The people believe in me. And I will not crush their hopes.❜
                ❛——— That is the worst thing you can do to a person.❜
                                                    ❛That is worse than death.❜